Model's Diary

I first got to know about modeling at 13 years old, when I was approached by a booker from “Elite Model Look” in the streets of Bratislava where I am from. But with my shaved head and lack of self-confidence, I refused, saying I wasn’t cut out for it. At that time, I had a world of my own that wasn’t stable enough to take the criticism and rejection that almost everyone faces in modeling. However, when I finally decided to get to “Elite”, I was told I should lose an inch or two from my hips. For a few years, that became a kind of recurring rebuke that distorted my view of myself. So, again I decided it was a good decision not to go into modeling at the time.

Later, I started working out on my own at home, doing pilates, yoga and various cardio exercises to get rid of those two inches. As time went on, I turned 16 and my older sister’s friends were just starting a new agency in the Czech Republic. She took me to a casting, and a week later my modeling career officially started. My parents were against that idea of me going somewhere abroad for two or three months, they didn’t want me to miss school, as well as were afraid I would have problems with eating disorder, etc. That’s when I thought my modeling career was finished. My parents never signed the contract and never agreed on the terms, so the only thing I had was to wait until I turn 18.

At that time I only took part in occasional photoshoots on weekends. Slowly everything picked up pace, I gradually got more and more confidence during the photoshoots, but then Covid slowed it all down a bit. However, ironically, during that tough time for the industry I was able to get to Milan for a month and a half, where I had a chance to work for “Versace” and “Antonio Marras”, and that became one of the most wonderful jobs I’ve ever had. Other than that, life in Milan, wasn’t as beautiful as it might seemed. I had almost no money and my parents were generally against me staying there, so I felt like I had to make it on my own. I lived on mushy peas and cheap pastries for almost the whole month. Pasta and pizza were all I could dream about. I wasn’t staying at a model’s apartment, I was completely alone. I felt like I was missing out on something and terribly lonely. Of course, I couldn’t show anything outwardly, so I bottled up my emotions. I started to suffer from sleep paralysis and was even afraid to go to sleep.

Due to all that stress, I had lost quite a bit of weight, which I guess helped me to sign a contract with “Metropolitan Models”. So, everything happens for a reason. I flew to Paris, but as I told them, I had only two weeks. Luckily, right after my arrival I got castings, and received an opportunity to work for “Elie Saab”. I was happy but at the same time felt a bit guilty to all the other models that were staying with me. There were girls, who had already been on the apartment for over one or two months and still had no work. I felt jealousy on their side, but I didn’t blame them at all because I understood the frustration they probably felt from all the rejections.

I had the smallest room without even a proper window, so it was always dark in there. A few days later, a new girl, Paula, moved in. For a while, I had a feeling that the whole situation in the apartment had calmed down. She was like a revelation, telling us everything will be fine, and that we shouldn’t take rejections so seriously. But then she had to move out as well, because she did not get a job.

Shortly after Paris and Milan, there was a modeling trip to Tokyo waiting for me, which I was really looking forward to. My first time in Asia. After arriving and dealing with the lost suitcase at the airport, I visited the agency, where I met a Czech girl, Kristina, who had arrived just a day ago, so I was really happy that I wouldn’t be alone this time.

The modeling apartment was cramped, with the available space barely enough for a workout mat. The musty smell of the old house caused by the humidity hit my nose as soon as I entered. The next day I went to the agency again, for measuring my height and other parameters. The measurements were fine, but my height appeared to be five centimeters higher than the one declared by my mother agency. I knew it would really be a problem because during the catalogue season, the clients mostly want shorter girls for this type of work. Due to that, I stayed without a job, and my Japanese trip turned into an overpaid vacation, which Kristina and I quite enjoyed. I was supposed to stay in Japan for two months, but because of my height, I did only two photoshoots and even the agency acknowledged that I would only make them an unnecessary debt, so they sent me home. It was an interesting experience though, and I’m happy I met Kristina, who is now my best friend. I would definitely like to go back to Tokyo, but for the Fashion Week next time.

When I came back home, I dyed my hair to blonde, which helped me to get signed with London, Los Angeles and some more new agencies in Germany, Italy and France. I moved to Prague to study sociology and political science at Charles University, combining it with my modeling work. I shot my first cover, went to Paris to do Couture, where I did 2 shows and met Lisa, who understood me and was willing to listen to me, which helped me a lot in that period when I felt like I was falling apart inside and everything was just black. Later on, at London Fashion Week, I met Sara, who is also from the Czech Republic, same as Kristina. It’s always great to have someone to spend your days with and go to castings together.

During my modeling career, I had an opportunity to meet a lot of lovely personalities. Getting to know new people is probably the best thing in all that. However, sometimes in modeling it comes to a smile through tears. I often hear opinions that it’s completely a ‘dream job’, which is on one hand certainly true, but people don’t realize how emotionally and physically draining a modeling job can be from time to time!